Finding a New Home

I am that person that considers a pet a part of the family. And no matter how rotten they can be sometimes, it's emotional when the realization comes that your lifestyle doesn't fit the kind that they need and you have to start looking for your baby a new home.

Tessie came into my life late last summer when friends from North Dakota had to move early and couldn't take their cat they had adopted upon arriving in Kentucky with them. Kent and I were still together at the time and had been contemplating the options for pets, and we felt that it was the right thing to do in order to help my friends out, plus fulfill the desire for a pet. Formerly known as Kit-Kat, Tessie took up residence at Kent's apartment and after the first day, really came into her own as the Queen of the Castle.

In November, Kent and I separated and the agreement was made that Tessie would make her home with him most of the time, and I would get her for a week or so out of the month. Because of my roommates' allergies and the fact I would have to pay rent for her, I wasn't able to take her to live with me permanently. As time went by, it became a little more apparent that Kent wasn't completely happy with the "custody" situation, and a couple weeks into January after I'd kept her for a few weeks, a conversation was held within the context of she reminded him too much of us and he didn't want to deal with that. Two months later, I finally arrange for him to keep her for a few weeks and we agreed to start looking for her a new home. With my work schedule and my after work activities, I'm away from the apartment longer than I would like to be concerning Tess. Because of the rampant allergies, she can't chill outside my room that often and being cooped up in one space all day every day isn't exactly conducive for an animal that needs to play every once in a while.

Kent and I have agreed that we won't give her back to the Humane Society. Instead, we'd like to find her a wonderful new adoptive home somewhere around the area. A house that she can run freely about, where the owners are home pretty much every night after work and there are no dogs or small children around to torture Tessie. Since she's declawed, the only thing she'll destroy is a roll of paper towels or toilet paper, and since she's fixed no one woudl have to worry about little kitties running around at any point in time. It breaks my heart to think about her not being around to sleep with me at night, or nuzzle my face when she's being sweet. But I know that I can't fulfill her needs right now either. Such a horrible feeling. But here's hoping I find that perfect person/family for her soon.

My Bucket List

For those of you who have seen the movie "The Bucket List", then you know what I'm talking about. If not, it's a list of things that you want to do/accomplish/witness/say before you kick the bucket. Although it may be a little premature for me to really be calling my list a true bucket list, it's definitely a list of events and actions that I want to accomplish in life. I have to admit that aside from the movie, I was also inspired by Flo's friend Corrine's blog "101 Goals in 1001 Days." I myself don't have a set number of goals, nor do I have a specific timeframe in which to complete my list since I figure I'll be adding to it as time goes by. But so far, this is what I have:

1-Mail one package a month to deployed soldiers
2-See the sunrise on a different continent
3-Fly across the ocean
4-Take my mom to see the ocean
5-Make a scrapbook of an important event
6-Talk the family into an updated family portrait
7-Make a quilt for a loved one
8-Build a sandcastle
9-Make a baby smile
10-Get my conceal and carry license
11-Watch all the movies on my 'want to see' list
12-Meet someone famous
13-See a live performance of Phantom of the Opera
14-Attend a Broadway show
15-See New York City during Christmas-time
16-Read all the books on my 'want to read' list
17-Take a donkey/horse ride into the Grand Canyon
18-See the Aurora Borealis
19-Make a family tree
20-Hold a koala cub
21-Visit at least 2 of the 7 new wonders of the world
22-Kiss in the rain
23-Go on a cruise
24-Give my future husband a stack of letters written to him during our courtship
25-Snorkel off an island
26-Go parasailing
27-Write a thank you note to someone who greatly influenced/helped me in life

I've been thinking of at least one more thing to add every few days. Hopefully I'll be able to start marking some off very soon. It's always the little things in life that give me hope :)

Silly girl

While reading through blogs of others and just letting my mind wander, I finally realized that I am a self-torturer. Admittedly, that sounds a little masichistic, but it really has nothing to do with physical harm. I simply have a habit of teasing myself with things that I know can't or probably won't ever happen, can't or won't ever have, or just flat out say "I want that but sorry about my own luck." And the more I've thought about it, the more silly it seems to me, lol.

I'll purposely walk down the holiday candy aisle at Walmart to peruse the colorful wrappers and packaging, pointing out my favorites. But with each chocolate bar, jelly bean, cadberry egg, fruit filled candy that makes my mouth water, I remind myself that I don't need it and walk on with a little drool on my chin.

Knowing one day I'll want a dog to accompany me in a new home, I seek out websites of dog rescue organizations and read the profiles of all these wonderful animals that are looking for forever homes. I pick out the ones I myself would adopt, read through the adoption procedure and policies list. Take a gander at the application. Ponder what the possibility of becoming a foster parent for the organization would be, and then sigh as I click the X in the corner of the screen.

I don't go shopping very often. Well, let me clarify- I don't actually buy things like clothes, books, cds, movies, etc., very often. But I window shop constantly. There are always those shirts or dresses that you woudl love to have but when not on sale I cringe at the price I woudl pay. Hell, I'm such a tightwad that most of the time they are on sale I still won't pay what they're asking for. Still, I can't resist the dressing room, finding that perfect, figure flattering article of clothing and then shaking my head as I put it back on the rack.

In my life, it's usually all about saying no to myself and yes to other people. Items that I refuse to pay a certain amount for myself I wouldn't think twice about paying if it were a gift to someone else. I say in my head "You shouldn't buy that because you need to save money" but if there's a person in my life that's a little down on their luck, I'll do whatever possible in my being to help them. I guess in one way that's looked at as selflessness. One of the most important qualities to have in a relationship of any kind. Then again, when you're by yourself I guess I need to learn it's all right to be a little selfish from time to time. Maybe I will get some Cadberrys :)

When you least expect them...

I normally don't blog publicly about my personal life in specific terms, or relationships within, because I still have some reoccurring trust issues from the past. However, there are just some things that are best said in a proclaimation-esque style :)

I've recently found myself a part of a new relationship. After my last one ended, I had no intentions of seriously dating for a good long while. Partly because of why things ended, and partly because of where my feelings still were at that time. I was the one who made the decision to initiate the break, then the weeks of soul searching and mind wandering, and then the final statement of that I was happy where I was being with just myself and probably would be for a long time. It was never because I didn't love him anymore, I'll always have love for him. There was just something not right in my head and heart about us staying together in sickness and health 'til death did we part.

A few months later, I found myself in a peculiar situation. Despite the fact that I was deeply rooted in the feeling of wanting to be alone for quite a long time, fate seemingly had stepped in. After learning that a few of Kent's (my friend Emily's husband) friends from work were going to start running after work twice a week, Emily and I decided we would do the same. And thus the story began. I was first introduced to Justin while wearing sweats and a long sleeved tshirt, soon to be joined by a hoodie and a tobogan. He looked familiar to me, and was actually wearing a Georgetown hoodie himself. Turns out he had graduated two years ahead of me in college.

We spoke a little that night, and the next day I asked Kent for his last name and "researched" his facebook and myspace. A one line note sent through myspace turned into a few weeks of long emails passed between us and eventually an impromptu dinner and movie outing. He knew of the Kent situation, and one night we talked about how he was interested in me but wanted me to know that it was on my own time. Valentine's Day came around and to my surprise I got a package that contained these

It was the first time I'd ever been sent flowers by someone, let alone someone that I wasn't officially dating yet. We had dinner later that night t a locally owned restaurant and it was the most simple, yet happiest Valentine's Day I've ever had.

So now here we are at the beginning of March. Justin and I made things official on February 16th, with my friend Cassie there to give us her blessings.

It already seems as if we've known each other for so much longer than we actually have. And although I've been very happy in past relationships, I have never been this happy this quickly. I'm hoping it's a good sign for what's to come between the two of us. He was met with open arms by my family this past weekend, had good conversation with my dad, and my mom whispered her approval in my ear as she was hugging me goodbye at the end of the night. I do hope that we continue to travel down the same path as we have so far cause my oh my how the boy makes me smile :)

Welcome to my little world of dorkiness

Admittedly, it's usually the small things in life that make me smile, excite me and make me happy. Sequels to movies, finding a quarter on the ground, a musician coming out with a new cd after a long hiatus, a warm towel just out of the dryer. However, it's only a handful of those things that truly make me a dork. And here would be a few for the list.



Financial planning. When someone starts talking about wanting to be able to save money or how to budget their bills and expenses, I automatically start making mental notes in my head of ways they could do just that. In fact, most times I jokingly say that I'd be more than willing to help set up a budget, but really I'm not joking. I love to sit down with a set amount of money and figure out a way that a person can pay off what they need to each month, have enough to buy the things that maybe they just want for the sake of wanting, and can sock away some money into their savings account each month as well.



Reunion tours. I love music of all ages. And I love it when the classics who have parted ways or just grown out of their genre (boy bands for example) decide to come back for one last hoorah. I'm glad to see that the Backstreet Boys put out another album last year (and can only hope that maybe one day NSync will do just one more together). But nothing can top the one definite and one rumored announcement that have come out in the news in the past two weeks. The first: it's being rumored that the New Kids on the Block are going to be doing a reunion tour this year. Their website is up and running again, albeit nothing more at this point than their Hangin' Tough video and a teaser video set to a sample of a song they recorded back in November. But I am so excited at the prospect. Don't think I won't be buying tickets the day they go on sale for a show close to home. And secondly, Cher will begin a three year stint at Caesar's in Las Vegas beginning in May. I've always wanted to visit Vegas in the first place, but to know that I can go see Cher live in concert makes me that much more motivated to do it soon. I love that woman. And Jack's impressions of her on Will and Grace.

English papers. At one point while growing up, I wanted to be several variations of an english major- novelist, journalist, editor. And although none of those quite came to fruition, I still enjoy editing a good paper for a college class when I get the chance. Kent has had me enlisted as his queen of revision for some time now, and I recently got the chance to help Dre compose a letter that will hopefully be her saving grace for graduating in May. There's just always been something special to me abotu sitting down with a pencil and a fresh printout of a project and just seeing how much I could elaborate on something. Even if it wasn't my own work. And of course point out all those "then/than, your/you're, its/it's" mistakes :)

And of course, there's always the little things that you only think about when someone mentions them. The fact that I now punch in phone number incorrectly because the keypad is arranged differently than a 10 key calculator, or that when I offered to go to the grocery store with Emily I got excited when I said "I have a great little calculator I got for Christmas that you can use." The fact that i could spend hours just looking at different kinds of material for all the quilts I want to make in my mind, how I like to arrange my movies and cd's in alphabetical order, and how I always look forward to stuff like Rock Band and DDR. I heart being a dork sometimes :)

Love and the marriage

For as long as I can remember, I've always had the big plans of getting married one day. Of course the first draft of that plan would have put me being called by a new last name for about a year now, and obviously that thought was thwarted somewhere along the way.

Even up until the last four or five months, I still had that vision of the perfect man, wedding, house, animals, and kids in my head, but something suddenly changed. I think it may have been my biological clock being kicked out of the driver's seat by my subconscious saying that I haven't yet lived all I should independently. Soley independent, to be more specific.

It's not that I don't feel like I can achieve goals that I set long ago, or even just yesterday if there's a significant other in my life with some sort of permanancy. Or that I won't be able to travel and see the places and friends I've been planning for so long. Or that I'll somehow lose my ability to be spontaneous and just go with the wind when the moments are right. But I do know that there comes a certain point in life when dealing with that special someone you have to start making decisions based on the two of you collectively and not just yourself anymore. No waking up on Friday mornings to say to yourself "I think I'll book a ticket out to Seattle for two weeks from today to go visit John" without having to consult anyone to see if there are other plans or hesitations. No staying out until all hours of the night at your friends' houses without calling someone to say where you are so that they don't worry. Or blow up your phone all night.

As I was explaining to someone the other night, I wonder at this point if my independence is going to hinder me from allowing someone else to have 100 percent of me. If I'm goign to be forever gunshy of making that final lasting commitment for the fact that it's no longer just about me, it's about us. I don't say that in a selfish manner, as if I don't want to share my life with someone else. I say it in a control manner. I don't ask permission. I don't like being restricted in who my friends can be. I want to know how much money is being spent where and what's set aside for various expenses/savings/disposable income. I just don't like not knowing what's going on in any given situation. Which ultimately means I hate being vulnerable.

I know that with time, my heart will be healed and more keen on letting people in. That my insecurities about myself and my future will be gone. And that all the issues I come up with inside my head to just make life so much more complicated than it should be will subside. Until then, I suppose I'll just ask for some patience of others, and to not give up on me. Independent lady or not :)

Ah, those Mannings

I preface this post by saying that I am a Bengals fan first and foremost. Carson Palmer and TJ Houshmandzadeh will always be my top picks. However, I cannot deny Peyton Manning the fact that he's one of the best quarterbacks out there, in my opinion. With this said, i would have rather seen him and the Colts in last night's matchup, however I'm happy that it was his brother Eli that was able to kick Tom Brady's ass. Granted, it's not like it was a blowout by any means, but I'll call a win an ass kicking if I so please, three points up or not.

I admit that I didn't watch a lot of the game due to a combination of peopel standing in my line of sight and just conversation with meg, Dre and Michael. I didn't even see a lot of the commercials actually. And I think this is partially because there weren't really that many that caught my eye long enough to keep me watching. The Dalmation training the horse, Justin Timberlake, and the Dortios commercial are about the only three (well besides the Cashews one that was just disturbing to me) that I fully remember. Budweiser definitely did not have an equal to last years "Rock, Paper, Scissor for the last Bud Light" and then the guy gets hit over the head with a rock.

It really comes down to the fact that Super Bowl Sunday gives friends a chance to get together and spend quality time bonding over football, food, beer pong, pool, whatever. Although Meg and I are convinced that it shoudl be Super Bowl Saturday that way so many people don't have to call in to work on Monday because they've got a hangover :)