While reading through blogs of others and just letting my mind wander, I finally realized that I am a self-torturer. Admittedly, that sounds a little masichistic, but it really has nothing to do with physical harm. I simply have a habit of teasing myself with things that I know can't or probably won't ever happen, can't or won't ever have, or just flat out say "I want that but sorry about my own luck." And the more I've thought about it, the more silly it seems to me, lol.
I'll purposely walk down the holiday candy aisle at Walmart to peruse the colorful wrappers and packaging, pointing out my favorites. But with each chocolate bar, jelly bean, cadberry egg, fruit filled candy that makes my mouth water, I remind myself that I don't need it and walk on with a little drool on my chin.
Knowing one day I'll want a dog to accompany me in a new home, I seek out websites of dog rescue organizations and read the profiles of all these wonderful animals that are looking for forever homes. I pick out the ones I myself would adopt, read through the adoption procedure and policies list. Take a gander at the application. Ponder what the possibility of becoming a foster parent for the organization would be, and then sigh as I click the X in the corner of the screen.
I don't go shopping very often. Well, let me clarify- I don't actually buy things like clothes, books, cds, movies, etc., very often. But I window shop constantly. There are always those shirts or dresses that you woudl love to have but when not on sale I cringe at the price I woudl pay. Hell, I'm such a tightwad that most of the time they are on sale I still won't pay what they're asking for. Still, I can't resist the dressing room, finding that perfect, figure flattering article of clothing and then shaking my head as I put it back on the rack.
In my life, it's usually all about saying no to myself and yes to other people. Items that I refuse to pay a certain amount for myself I wouldn't think twice about paying if it were a gift to someone else. I say in my head "You shouldn't buy that because you need to save money" but if there's a person in my life that's a little down on their luck, I'll do whatever possible in my being to help them. I guess in one way that's looked at as selflessness. One of the most important qualities to have in a relationship of any kind. Then again, when you're by yourself I guess I need to learn it's all right to be a little selfish from time to time. Maybe I will get some Cadberrys :)